Judgment Day

This post could just as easily be called "Why should I care: the art of NOT caring".  

So, why is it that when we are judged, or, in my case, snubbed by someone we couldn't care a whit about otherwise, it still bothers us?  Well, it bothered me, at least.  Generally speaking, I go about my business day to day just trying to be a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter and friend, and a decent person to mankind.  I try not to tread on too many toes, and be accepting and respectful that other people have different thoughts and opinions than my own.  I have friends from other countries, cultures, ethnicities, religions, and lifestyles.  But the one thing I have zero tolerance for, is intolerant people.  I'll stop you right now.  I know that makes me a hippocrite right out of the box.  But I just can't understand people that feel like everyone needs to be just like them.  They are threatened, and some are even fearful, of "outsiders", instead of seeing altering views as an opportunity for friendly debate and an opportunity to stretch their own mind.  Open mindedness, an ability to think for yourself, doesn't make you faithless.  It just means you're not first in line for the Koolaide.  Other than the fact that another friend was caught in the crossfire and was hurt, I really have no reason to care about this person's opinion of me.  So I keep asking myself the question, why do I?  Why am I still thinking about it?  Why am I going through what I'd like to say to this person in my head?  Is it just that my ego was wounded?  Is it the fact that I don't feel they are worthy to judge me without looking in the mirror first?  Someone enlighten me, please.

Falling into Fall

Fall is seducing me with her fancy colors, comfortable temperatures, & wafting smells. It is beautiful outside. And yet I can't sit back and simply enjoy it on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I feel this need to take advantage of every splendid moment that fall is gifting me - to rake, to can pears, to visit Bookworm Gardens, to go to the Famers' Market... Todd and the kids are the same way. There are gutters being cleaned, a few more boards added to the fort, a few more hours being played outside in the sunshine. Even a cup of warm cider acknowledges how glad we are that fall is choosing to stay awhile.

We all know that winter is around the corner, but we don't discuss her. We will ingore her upcoming visit until there is frost on the sill. Perhaps fall is just winter in a colorful, fancy hat - kicking us out of our late summer apathy and reminding us that we need to get the snowblower serviced. If so, it worked.

LOHAS???

I just started a new job. It is a huge switch for me. For the past 10 years I have worked from home (for the most part), set my own schedule, and had huge amounts of flexibility in my work and home life.

However, an opportunity presented itself to go to work for a big company doing a job that by most accounts is a "dream job." I'm now officially in the business of assisting this company do sustainability work. It is scary for me - getting up early, wearing clothes that are ironed, being schedule oriented. But the work is so exciting!

Today we were discussing many movements in the sustainability and green worlds, including LOHAS. That is Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability. It makes me calmer just thinking it.

In addition, I got an email from my blog-partner about the changes going on in her life. She didn't say the words, but she desires a lifestyle of health and sustainability. She feels overwhelmed, busy, tired, and hungry for consistency...she wants her pancake morning. I understand how she feels - going back to work has put my world on it's ear!

After reading her email and chatting on the phone, I really started to think about this lifestyle of health and sustainability thing. There is a lot on the web - it's an "official" demographic. But forget all that - I like how it sounds. Lifestyle - it sounds purposeful and authentic. Health - it feels strong and liberating. Sustainable - it won't sacrifice the future for the present. I don't know if I am or want to be part of the official movement or demographic, but I know that I want to live my life in a healthy and sustainable way.

What does that mean today? I must commit to making the best choices I can that do not make me feel guilty, that feed my inner soul and my physical body, and that treat the planet as I would treat my home. I must be willing to forgive myself for my faults and accept that I will not always be perfect, that choices are just that, and while I may still want it all, I cannot have it all right now!

For this point in my life I have chosen enriching professional work over sleeping late; more financial security over flexibility; and stretching my skills over my comfort zone. But, I will remind myself to walk in the sun, cook real food and eat with my family (whenever possible), and remember that sustainable and gracious living cannot be preached to others without allowing it for myself. Mazel tov and LOHAS!

Pancake Morning - Take 2

So recently I wrote about the bliss of a pancake morning and how it can become such a strong center when getting through a tough move. Today, not so much!

We have been on vacation for the past week. Now we are home and dealing with the post-vacation house cleaning. My least favorite part of vacation. My daughter had a friend spend the night, and everyone was excited when I said I would make chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I didn't want to make pancakes - I have work to do. I wished they would be excited for cereal. No one is excited for cereal...not even PB Crunch.

My kitchen is still not completely cleaned since returning home - everyone gasps with shock since I am such an impeccable housekeeper - and I couldn't find my pancake recipe. There was also no other mix in the house. No problem-o; I will just google my recipe from the web...and I did.

Fastforward to me making the pancakes from the computer and only half paying attention. The result: three times the salt in the mix. I tried to pick some of it out, but how bad can it be? I like salt.

Well, they were eaten. They were SALTY! The kids didn't even criticize. Our sweet guest tried to make me feel better and said, "It's ok. My mom doesn't cook either." But I do cook! I am supposed to be a good cook! And chocolate chip pancakes are supposed to be one of my signature dishes! Insult to injury, we ran out of syrup. But still no complaints.

Lessons learned: 1) Not all pancake mornings are perfect; 2) Too salty pancakes are still somewhat edible when eaten with large amounts of chocolate chips and milk; 3) Too salty pancakes are still (in the minds of 12, 13, and 14-year olds) better than cereal; and 4) Don't complain about salty pancakes or you will find yourself eating cereal.

I am the girl of 100 lists

Do you remember this song by the Go Go's?  Do you remember the Go Go's?  Were you born after the Go Go's broke up and Belinda Carlisle went on to have a mediocre solo career so you have no recollection of them except for the 80s weekends on the radio when they play "Vacation"?  It doesn't really matter.  This is not about the Go Go's.  But it does relate to one of their songs that resonates with me to this day.

Hello.  My name is Cherie, and I am a compulsive list maker.

I love making lists.  I get great joy out of categorizing the world according to my own labels.  Need to make a grocery list?  Hooray!  Honey-do list?  Sweet!  New Year's Resolutions?  Nirvana!  And these lists are simply the tip of the ship-sinking ice burg.

One of my favorite things about my iPhone is that I can create these lists on a whim, and store them so they are always at my fingertips.  Songs on the radio that I heard and want to see if the artist has recorded anything else decent.  Books I want to check out.  Places to vacation.  Activities and crafts to make with my daughter.  Ways to improve my health and well-being.  And my favorite list....Things that Make Cherie Happy.  This is a compilation of things that make me smile, and things that I'd be happy to accumulate.  For instance, my favorite perfume is on the list (Have) as well as a fluffy Turkish bath robe (Have not).  It really comes in handy around birthdays and holidays when someone asks you what you want.  Most of the time I draw a blank, which I think is a good sign because I do feel that I already have a very rich and fulfilling life.  But that can be frustrating to the potential gift-giver.  This gives me an arsenal of ideas; things that I really would like, from inexpensive trifles to "only if someone dies" kind of gifts.  And it does help to hinder (though not entirely prohibit) receiving moose emblazoned napkin rings.

The other purpose for this list is that on bluesy days I can read over it and it is an emotional pick-me-up.  Ceylon tea with mint Milano cookies.  Meryl Streep movies.  My favorite sheets on the bed.  The earthy smell that rises up when it rains.  I can't help but smile when I read this very sensory list.

I also find lists littered all over my office and home on bits and scraps of paper, the back of an envelope, a sticky-note.  Some topics I've written down many times, others are new categories, but I resist throwing them away, unless they are able to be compiled into a MASTER list.  Now, one might mistakenly think that with all this list-making that I am uber organized.  Not so.  List making does not translate on its own into doing.  My follow-through...now, that's something that still needs some work.  But in the meantime, I'm ready...making lists.

You may even be on one of them.

Courage

What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! 

What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! 

What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk?

What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! 

What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! 

What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! 

What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? 

What have they got that I ain't got? 

Courage.

Ever notice how some people in this world give you a shot of adrenaline just by being around?  They wake you up.  Shake you up.  Keep you on your toes.  Inspire you.  And, my favorite part, make you braver than you ever thought you could be.  I have friends like these.

There are days that I wake up and feel deflated and listless and proceed to beat myself up for every shortcoming and perceived inadequacy that I can concoct about myself.  On those days particularly (I believe Holly Golightly called it "the Mean Reds") I need a prescription for a good dose of ego-stroking friendship.

I'm actually a very shy person.  Not many people know (or believe) this about me because I try very hard to overcome it.  And I'm not afraid to speak in front of people.  I think that's where the misconception breeds from.  It's the social mingling, one-on-one introductions that throw my Chi into the blender.  I relish the thought of a world based on the TV series "Cheers" where everybody knows your name.  Wouldn't that be nice?  Except for the fact that I'm terrible with names.  But I digress...

I've noticed that when I'm with my particular friends, I feel like the world is my oyster.  That I infinitely belong and fit in.  So what's with all this insecurity when I fly solo?  I think it must be that when you're with your friends, you can trust that you'll have the acceptance of at least one person in the room.  You don't have to put on an act for them.  You can dance down the aisles of the grocery store to the Muzak version of David Bowie's "Let's Dance" and know that at least the person next to you is laughing WITH you.

As of late, I've had...well, not more instances of, but...more opportunities for this petrifying social stuff, and  I find myself avoiding it - opting out - instead of mustering up the courage to do this one simple act.  Say "Hello".  Nope.  Instead I'll just stay in at home, check Facebook one more time, read a book, watch something mind-numbing on the tube.  I'll schedule play dates with my friends, the ones that know and love me, but I'm putting off doing things I'm interested in trying for the lack of my safety net...and I know that's not right.  So, while I wish I could keep one of these brilliant friends in my back pocket at all times so I can reach in for reassurance, like a worry stone, I know in my head and my heart that all I really need to do is take a deep breath and step forward.

I need to ask the Wizard for some courage.

Pancake Mornings

When I was in the process of moving - it's been two years now - a friend of mine (who had also moved across the country) gave me some very wise advice. She said to keep moving forward, do what needs to be done, and someday soon I would wake up in my new home with the boxes unpacked and the only thing on my to-do list being to make pancakes for my family.

Those words got me through some really wretched times! Bad realtor (in WI, not KS), unstable seller (in WI, not KS - hehehe), bleeding money, economic downturn, etc... I just kept holding out for my pancake morning. For more than a year, I held out for my pancake morning. I talked about my pancake morning, I dreamed about my pancake morning - my pancake morning became a symbol of survival!

One day it happened. I woke up - no alarm needed. I lay in bed and wondered what we should have for breakfast on that beautiful Saturday morning. And then I realized, there was only one thing to have...pancakes. The house in KS was sold, the house in WI was mine, there was of course a monster to-do list - but nothing that needed to be done immediately. It was finally my pancake morning.

I went to the kitchen and made chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and coffee. I took my husband's and my plates to the porch and sat to eat breakfast with him. The kids snarfed their pancakes while watching cartoons - oblivious to the monumental occasion that was taking place.

I took a bite of the BEST pancake I had ever tasted and sighed. I told Todd, "This is my pancake morning." I cried. I know, how could I cry? But if you have ever moved, you will understand. And if you have ever had a move that is so bad it seems more like a dark comedy movie script, you REALLY know.

My pancake morning was perfect. I have many more of these since then. I appreciate these types of mornings so much more than I ever did!

Now Cherie is in the process of moving. Since they are building their dream home, there will be a long wait, headaches, and hope. She is lucky that so many wonderful people are surrounding her with support, but I can tell she is looking forward to her pancake morning.

It is soooo worth it!

Rosie and Lola - A Dog's Life

Rosie won the cutest pet contest at the kids' school. Rosie is our bloodhound. She may be cute, but she is drama! She is an in-the-trash, howl-at-the-moon, eat-off-the-counter kind of dog. If Rosie were a human, she would be a garish, brassy, stubborn, blues-singing doll from nowhere and everywhere. Rosie is not to be crossed - or woken up! She also eats lipstick.

Rosie and Lola are sisters. Lola is everyone's "lab mix." We are not telling her she did not make it into the finals of the cutest pet contest.

Lola is nervous and calm all in the same day. She is loyal and ever-present (to the point of being annoying). She watches as Rosie steals from the counter, sits constantly by your side, and hopes for a pet, kiss, treat, or scratch behind the ears. She barks at any and all dangers she perceives from the outside world, yips as she leaps outside, chases falling snow, and occasionally steals out the door for a break-neck race around the block! Her collar is her most prized possession. If Lola were human, she would be your slightly neurotic forever friend who will never betray your trust or her family and who always wants you to decide where to go for lunch...but once she lets loose there is not stopping her.

Neither are easy, but both are wonderful. They are just what I need. Both will break my heart someday. Today, we will just play, sleep, and eat.

If I were a dog, I like to think that I would be somewhere between Lola and Rosie - that I would be full of energy, like to chase birds, howl along with good music and sirens, dish out attitude, and have a family that loves me. Hmmm, I think I already am a cross between them...don't wake me up, I will take what I need (even if it's on the counter), I love a walk on the beach, I get soo excited when we have guests, nothing makes me happier that sitting next to Todd on the couch, and I strive to live freely!

Button, Button, Who's got the Button

I found this absolutely cute-licious cookie idea/recipe during a periodic blog-reading binge.   Shortbread button cookies!


The recipe and step-by-step can be found here at forty-sixth at grace.

Try it: Grown-Up S'mores

(note: this is a marshmallow and not cheese)

I just saw a variation on s'mores in a Rachael Ray magazine and am simply dying to try it.

Put a mozzarella ball onto a skewer and toast it over a fire.  When it's good and melty, put a bit of olive tapenade on two whole-wheat crackers and smoosh (very technical term here) the cheese in between.  Doesn't that sound like heaven?!?!?!?   And I can think of a million variations that would be fun to try.

Pour me a glass of wine, throw on some Oscar Peterson, and let's make s'mores!

Ten random loves

I love...

...the small shock of brown/black hair that grows out of the back of my blonde-haired daughter (the same color as her Daddy's hair),

...the scar on my hubby's chin from a bicycling accident,

...red onion on a hot, fresh burger,

...that my house is *almost* ready to put on the market,

...getting a new issue of "Whole Living" magazine in the mail,

...L'Occitane's Honey & Lemon eau d' toilette -- I put it on even before bedtime,

...tin foil -- it's so versatile,

...coffee,

...Maggie Gyllenhaal (does this constitute a girl crush?),

...that I get to see my best friend in just a few days!!!!

Moving and Moved

I'm moving.  Amazingly, I realize that moving is a difficult and challenging process whether you're moving far away, say to Wisconsin or something crazy place like that, or just across town (which may prove just as crazy.)  It's an incremental process, as we are attempting to build a house.  It's also a learning process.  Such an emotional roller coaster.  It has given me a new inkling of understanding of what my best friend must have endured during her move up North.  At the time, we didn't speak as much, only because the absence of one another was sometimes too unbearable.  Every time we did speak and she shared a disappointment or hurdle, I feel that I wasn't able to support her as I should have because I was grieving, and subconsciously a little angry... definitely a little hurt and more than a little judgmental, which I am embarrassed to admit.  It just didn't seem right, that we should be so many miles apart -- the distance of a day -- when we were used to living no more than 4 blocks away from one another.  Our families were so intertwined.  How could this happen?  Time has helped heal those raw emotional scars, even though I miss her as much today as I did two years ago.  But you don't come across best friends every day, so we make it work.  We visit when we can, and when we can't, there's Facebook.  Yes, we'll always have Facebook.  Here's looking at you, Kid.

Not Loven' - by Beth (but posted by Cherie as we work out some technical bugs)

Not loven’

So my dear friend Cherie posted about the things she loved.  I smiled as I read it, because I could relate to so much of it! I thought, “I should do that.” But as I started my list, I found that there were some things I wasn’t loven’.  Some things I wanted to say, “This must end!”

So here is my Not Loven’ List…

Stepping in cold dog barf

Frizzy hair

Wadded up covers

Running out of half and half after the coffee is already made

Mean people

Stargate Universe – I want my SG1 back, please!

Tummy aches

Morning breath

Rudeness

Music by Billy Ocean

Sneezing and tooting at the same time

The occasional glare from my kids when they are asked to do their chores

Tight clothes

Smelly public bathrooms

Flat diet doctor pepper

America’s Funniest Home Videos

Reality television

I could obviously go on…but I am laughing too hard. Please note that I did not say anything political and I tried hard not to be mean or single out any group – other than those that may listen to Billy Ocean, watch Stargate Universe, AFHV, and reality TV, or wear tight clothes in smelly bathrooms…or my kids!

Love

I was inspired today by one of my favorite bloggers to reflect on the things in my life that I love.  Some obvious ones are the people I love, some are experiential, and others, doggone it, are materialistic and I'm NOT going to apologize for that.  Some things just make me happy by looking at them.  The aesthetic.  So, as the old song goes, "These are a few of my favorite things..."  I'm interested to hear your love list, too.

Cherie's love list
my daughter
my husband
friends that might as well as be family
coffee
my French press with which to make the coffee
my flame Le Creuset tea kettle with which to heat the water for my coffee -- you get the point
Menage a Trois wine
lavender-lemon candles (mmmm!)
fresh daisies and daffodils
hard boiled eggs and toast
"You've Got Mail"
Massaman curry with chicken (wowza!)
my gurgle pot
my butter yellow Kitchen Aid stand mixer
classical jazz
Anthropologie
crossword puzzle
Cooks Illustrated magazine
Hansen's cream soda
Daddy Cakes skinny cakes
rice crispie treats
"Julie and Julia"
Imogen Heap
b/w photography
farmer's markets
rainy days
Doc Martin (BBC series)
Dr. Who
my porch swing
dining al fresco
traveling to other countries
cheese fondue
Esty
cookbooks
white dishes

In general...loving life!

Once Upon a Time...

...two women became instant, fast friends.  After years of living practically side-by-side, suddenly they found themselves living the distance of a day apart.  This is their story.